Homeschooling is a beautiful, tough, difficult, rewarding, stressful experience.  Well, if you’re me.

Toward the end of our 1st grade year there was more head-butting than learning moments.  In April, Asher spent quite a bit of time grounded for being disrespectful and ignoring rules, such as no riding bikes in the street (we have sidewalks), not going into his friends houses without getting my permission first, and failing to do any of his whole 10 minutes worth of chores after being asked repeatedly.  He is 7, mind you, but has been acting like a 14 year old boy with major identity confusion.

I was, and still am in some ways, at my wits end.  Visions readily came to my mind of dressing him in standard school attire and waving him good-bye as he stepped onto the bus to go back to a traditional school.  I was packing his lunch in my head and even rewarding him with a shiny new pair of sneakers.  Just one year went my thoughts.  It will be good for us to separate, for him to be reminded what firm/non-negotiable structure is and he can run back to me begging forgiveness for being ree-donk-u-lus!  I asked the school secretary last week what the procedure is for re-enrolling unruly gripe-wad Asher.  

And I can’t do it.  I can’t quit.  Not yet.  Homeschool is too amazing, too perfectly modifiable to the individual, too easily customized per need for me to throw in the towel.  And when heads aren’t butting, it is incredible bonding, hopelessly sweet, lovingly graceful and perfectly imperfect….So, instead of throwing in the towel, I’m throwing in the boomerang.  We’re coming right back to grade 2.  Oh Lord have mercy on us.

“I pray for peace within myself, regularly. Sometimes God sends it like a wave, leaving me breathless at His favor and presence. Other times, peace is pitched out toward me and I shatter it to bits like a baseball player knocking a glass sphere out of its own existence. It’s as if I know it’s there but I resist feeling it. Why would I reject peace? I bet the truth lies somewhere in the idea that if I were to feel peace that surpassed my understanding, then I wouldn’t understand… and I quite like to understand. And have you tried sleeping peacefully in a house where everyone else is wide awake? It’s difficult to. I like to be awake when others cannot sleep. I guess in the same way I prefer to be disoriented when others don’t know which way is up or down. I want God’s peace in my heart more than anything, but I want it for others too… so if they aren’t coming to the peace party right away, perhaps I’ll wait a while longer. And even with this, my perceptions are probably way off… but I cannot fathom smiles (in spite of joy) when tears are running down the cheeks of my treasured friends. I’m praying for peace to fall upon everyone, simultaneously, all at once, right about now. Yes, Jesus… only You can do this.” 

Being smack dab in the center of something could be amazing, dangerous or overwhelming.  Being in the center of a donut has never really boasted well for a donut-hole.  Or has it?  Things that make you go… hmmmmmmmmm?

Pieces of it make me anxious, the unknowns, sometimes feeling like I’m being led while blind-folded.  Other pieces bring up fear because I don’t want to fail, don’t love attention and overall prefer to see clearly.  In all honesty, I like to draw the map, place the pins and program the GPS.  But right now I’m experiencing quite the opposite.  Every turn is a surprise.  I’m going to make a confession right now.  I’ve never been happier.  Because I’ve never felt so certain that I am right smack dab in the center of God’s will.

I don’t have any news and am not keeping any secrets from any of you.  I’m just on a cloud and very thankful for it.  I know that I matter to the Lord of all despite every reason why I don’t qualify.  I think these feelings are a result of some leaps of faith in obedience.  He is rewarding me with joy.  Joy that is oozing uncontrollably like creme from the center of a donut when someone takes a bite.  A rich, sweet mess.

Jesus, thank you for guiding me to you.  I love you, too.

I accomplished something I didn’t list in my challenge even though it was in the back of my mind.  I have had a couple of projects around the house that I wanted to tackle and I finally have.  I have repainted a piece of furniture, the chest of drawers that my boys share in their bedroom.  Later today once it is cured I am going to buff it and then the hubs and I will haul it back up to their room and I can clean up the disaster piles of clothes that are currently strewn everywhere.  I am going to slowly make over their bedroom.  It needs it.  Yay!

And speaking of clothes strewn everywhere, we had a little incident.  And by “we”, I mean “Shawn”.  Last night Joe tucked the boys into bed.  At 11am Shawn woke up screaming.  I slept through that, but Joe comforted him right back to sleep.  Evidently this happened again around 1am.  I also slept through that… thanks (or no thanks) to Benadryl.  Shawn woke up again and again 3 more times for a total of 5 times in the night.  I heard him at 3ish and again at 4:30ish.  Joe and I discussed that his cry wasn’t recognizable.  We checked his temperature, etc… but nothing added up and made any sense at all.  We considered that he might have been having nightmares because his cry was really loud and sudden every time and there was just something very different about it.  It wasn’t a “sick” cry or a “pain” cry.  Well – at 5am this morning I figured it out!  We had been caring for Shawn in the dark so hadn’t seen it before, but at 5am I turned my bedside lamp on – (Shawnie was with me) because Joe had just left for work.  I noticed a blue “stripe” across the back of Shawn’s pajama shirt and was instantly confused because I knew it didn’t belong.  At closer inspection, I realized that it was REALLY tight, and then I noticed the white “Hanes” band.  I suspect this happened right after Joe tucked the boys in… because the Chest of Drawers was in our garage and the clothes (including underwear) were just sitting in piles on their bedroom floor.  Shawn evidently got a pair of his little boy underwear, stuck his arms through the leg holes (like a shirt) and then pulled it over his head to the back of his neck and shoulders.  Essentially, Shawn was wearing underwear like a halter.  When I noticed this at 5am I took them off of him and it was so tight that it was very difficult to do without hurting him.  Now he is sleeping like an angel.  It’s hilarious now but it sure made for a restless night, especially for Shawn and Joe.  Oh my! Adventures with Shawnie!  This reminds me of the time I found him trying to wear one of my bras.

As for my weekend recap regarding my goals… the only thing I really didn’t keep up with this weekend was my exercise.  I’ll jump back in today.  I might even go for a good long walk.

(Wow – I forgot to publish this post… eh?)

Today ended up being very productive.  Praise Jesus!

Hope you’ve all had a lovely Monday.

love,

melissa

I did “okay” with my new routine today but not perfect.  It is Saturday, after all.  I should have built in an off day…. which I think I will conveniently do now.  I will take either Saturday’s or Sunday’s off.  Today was a writing day for me.  I spent a few hours in my favorite local coffee shop and worked on editing my book.  Editing is not nearly as fun as writing… but I made a lot of progress and am happy.  It’s a necessary evil and I’m blessed to have a precious friend lending me solid advice in the editing department.  (Thanks, Michelle!  I love you!)

I prayed in the kitchen this morning before I made coffee… the hubs was still asleep in bed and I needed to talk to God out loud.  I’m happy that this is becoming a habit, talking to Him before I even begin my day.  Before coffee, people.  This is HUGE.

I worked this afternoon doing a photo session.  Ah.  Good stuff.

I didn’t exercise today because my legs are absolutely killing me.  My muscles are burning  and aching.  I have to jump back in tomorrow with something easy and stretchy.

I’m excited that some of you are joining with me.  I’ve received a few emails from friends who didn’t want to leave comments… it’s good to know that we can all be in this together. I am grateful to have a mindset for forming new habits, good habits.

Oh yea, I scrubbed a toilet today!  And I thoroughly cleaned the ceramic cook top.  I also dusted the blinds.  Yes, these things feel like progress!  I even enjoy cleaning… I should do it more often.  Did I mention that yesterday I washed down some baseboards?  I love clean baseboards.

That’s all folks!  Happy weekend!

love,

m.i.

This has happened to me recently.  In other words, it’s not where I’d like to be.

Historically, when I worked full-time in a typical office environment from 8-5, I was better about cleaning my house, exercising, nurturing relationships and completing projects.  I know in hindsight that the reason I managed my time better back then was because I had so little of it.  Time, that is.  If I hadn’t utilized the little time I had, nothing would have ever been accomplished, other than “working”.

Now that in recent years I have been a stay-at-home (mostly) working mom, I have taken to an overall “it can wait” attitude.  Why?  Because I have much more “time” to budget.  The problem is that with so much time to budget I repeatedly put off until tomorrow whatever I don’t absolutely HAVE to do today, and then tomorrow I put it off again.  This means that my house only gets a thorough cleaning when I know that someone is coming over.  This also means that my exercise habits have fallen to pieces.  I study my Bible and pray more on a “convenience” schedule instead of making it a top priority.  I have gotten off track.  My steps have been wayward and undirected to a great extent.  I have been wandering without focus.

Now for me, this has affected many areas of my life.  Maybe for you it is just one area.  I know that the only way to get back on track is to be intentional about it.  I’m getting intentional!  How about you?

For the past 2 days, I have prayed before even getting out of bed.  And for the past 2 days I have exercised at least 20 – 30 minutes in the morning.  And yesterday, I dedicated 1.5 hours to housework.  I must change some habits, make new ones.  If you want to join with me, please jump on board.  Let’s get our little engines back on track.

My daily commitment is this:

I will exercise at least 30 minutes per day.

I will pray before I get out of bed (and I’ll keep up my regular spontaneous call to prayer).

I will dedicate at least 30 minutes per day to house work, specifically cleaning the house.  (This doesn’t include laundry or dishes, since those are a given).

I will dedicate at least 15-20 minutes per day (5 days per week) to writing.  This might be book writing, journaling or blogging.

I will dedicate at least 30 minutes per day to devotionals and Bible study – (although I usually do this much longer when I dive in…. that Bible is hard to put down, folks!)

I’m on a 30 day track to getting back on track.  Let me know if there is an area in your life that you have allowed to get off course and if you’d like to join me in this 30 day challenge.  I’m planning to post a little something everyday here to help me stay accountable and you are welcome also to post your progress in the comments.  Sunday May 20th is the 30th day.  By then, these new habits will be 2nd nature.

Let me know if you’re in.  And also feel free to leave comments with suggestions of how you’ve managed having “too much time” if you have been in that boat.

With Beautiful Feet Global Outreach, I see the solution to every problem right in front of me but cannot even begin to reach it.  More people need to give, just a little.  Enough people know about BFGO to meet every need at the Zim orphanages.  It’s just that not enough people care.  So the challenge becomes building platforms and getting heard.  I have become a professional “asker”.  I wanted to be the person who writes the big checks, not the person who asks other people to write big checks.  Some people over my lifetime have cursed me for being passionate and wordy.  But now there are tons of people in Zimbabwe who are grateful for my passion.  Go figure.  I’ll keep asking and praying that God aligns my passionate mouth with some passionate ears, in His name.

To say that homeschooling has been a struggle recently would be a huge understatement. Asher and I have butted heads far more than I care to admit.  The past couple of days have been a little bit better, but man oh man….  Lord have mercy.

The recent storm in early March blew some tornadic activity around us and we suffered at least enough damage to warrant getting a new roof, new siding on the west side, etc.  I envy my house.  It has gotten a shiny new top layer and several imperfections overhauled.    It would be great if we could cash in on insurance policies on our minds and hearts.  From time to time I feel so beaten up and destroyed; a soul insurance policy would really come in handy right about now.

It’s times like these that I look toward the Heavens and ask God to remind me about His grace.  Often I think I’m guilty of walking past the pitcher full and neglect to take a drink. I really need a cupful of grace, not to just observe it and think about it but to chug it down like glass of ice-water on a sun-scorched day.

Is anyone else thirsty?

I love homeschooling my precious Asher Tate.  We have experienced immeasurable and irreplaceable moments of joy, reward, simplicity and bonding.  I love being his teacher and witnessing his “a-ha” moments.  I treasure being able to set the pace and choose the subjects based on his style and temperament.  My face nearly splits from ear to ear as I drop him off to his precious art class on Fridays, something he is so passionate about.  I’m grateful and humbled to witness him in an environment with few restraints, increased boundaries and the freedom to be just exactly who he is.  I don’t even mind the limits, the extreme limits on my own freedom and quiet, because nothing could be more joyful truly than loving and nurturing this gift that was given to me.  This Tater Tot.  Is it perfect?  Not at all.  Does it get frustrating?  Yes, frequently.  But it is precious.  Is it forever?  I don’t know.  We don’t know.  I’m trying to be a good listener.  I want for our lives to move according to God’s will and plan without us forcing yields or toying with short-cuts, or Heaven forbid… taking the long way around.  I don’t want for us to fit any other mold than the one formed for us by His hand.  I have never wanted more than I want right now… to honor His will and to go through valleys, no matter how deep, dark and lonely, if it is going to lead us and others to Him.  And that was a tough sentence to type, just so we’re clear.

Photography is blessing my socks off.  No, not financially yet, but in my heart and spirit I feel more alive than I have in a long time.  I am not sure how to articulate this piece.  Photography, like writing, is a creative expression but with a drastically different result in the ways that they work in me.  I have been so sweetly blessed to capture some images that literally make me cry.  They might not move you, and that is okay.  They blow me over.  As quirky is it may sound, the visual artist in me has peeked out from behind whatever she has been hiding.  She is beginning to blossom and I really like her.

My book is being babied by a precious friend of mine.  She is combing through it and making valuable edit suggestions.  She is piecing it together in a way that is helping me to see it more fully.  I’m in awe of her dedication, love and prayer through this really long love-letter I have written to Jesus and to the women who seek to love Him more.  I know that there is more writing in my future.  Ideas are presenting themselves left and right.  Oh I really need to organize the clutter in my mind.  It’s mostly all useful clutter, just very  much piled up in a chaotic disaster.

BFGO remains at the height of my every day mountain.  I climb more and more and feel strength and accomplishment, and then I slip and lose the gain.  It is glorious and heavy all at the same time.  Fatima and the children are worth every pain and struggle.  Their hope and faith soothes every disappointment.  Jesus is so alive in them.  They, together with HIM, rock my wild world.  Oh Lord, but where would I be?

Shawnie is doing fantastic.  His speech is really awesome these days.  He says adorable sentences.  He loves to help cook.  He loves to stir.  He will stir anything we toss in a bowl and sweetly state “um it so dee-lish-ish”.  He takes off his shoes and socks and places them right where they belong.  He is currently obsessed with The Three Little Pigs (& the big bad wolf huffing puffing and blowing the house down).  Shawnie loves chips and quesadilla…. and equally loves to talk about them because he loves to say kay-suh-dee-uh.    Our Shawnie is old enough to advance to Kindergarten next year but after discussing his team at school, we have decided to keep him in pre-k another year.  We really feel this is best for him.

The hubs is doing very well too.  Working hard and being a very active daddy… we are so blessed.

Hope you all are doing well.  Thanks for reading my updates.

Sue me.

Like many of my readers, I am a conservative Christian too.  The key word in that statement being, “Christian”.  I seem to default into the conservative category… but I think I also offer a lot of grace.  I see black, white and gray.  And I worry about people who do not.

Sometimes I read about things Christians say and do and I throw my head back, reach for the Heavens with clenched fists and say “O.M.G.”… seriously people.  What is going on?

Todays’ news is about a Conservative Christian group asking that JC Penny fire Ellen Degeneres as their spokesperson because she is gay.  I believe they claim that this upsets the “majority” of their shoppers who will now choose to shop elsewhere.

Excuse me?

What the ?

Before I go into the reasons why I find this scheme to be idiotic, let me just state my bottom line.

I wish said Christians would stop fighting so much for what they are against and instead start focusing their efforts on what Christ is for.

Is our world going to hell in a handbasket?  Yep, probably.  But not because ED is spokesing for JCP.  (fyi: spokesing = word i just made up and i like it a lot).  ”Representing” would have been a better, grammatically correct choice.  But I don’t always make good choices.  A’hem.

Seriously, if you stop shopping at JCP then you will have to start shopping at Sears or Macy’s or Target or (somewhere?) right?  Are you going to interview every employee first to determine if their beliefs and lifestyle match your own?  Because you will be disappointed in the first 30 minutes.

The last time I checked, most shopping malls and grocery stores do not have a cross on the top front and center of their buildings.  Maybe I should weave my own fabric, raise my own cattle and weld my own jewelry, write my own music, harvest my own grains, and mine my own stonewear.  Because I would sure hate to spend a moment anywhere near anyone who isn’t exactly.like.me.  That is the message you are sending.

There is a ginormous gay population.  If you alienate gay people from your life, you’ll have to stop eating, wearing clothes, pumping gasoline, getting your hair cut… oh, and breathing.  I’m pretty sure that is written in the book of Betty chapter 6; verse 66.

But what if you took all of that energy condemning gays to hell and instead focused that same energy on doing Kingdom work?  Kingdom work involves going and telling good news.  It involves walking in love.  Loving others as yourself.  It involves encouraging in love (as opposed to discouraging others in spewed hatred).

I read scriptures and I believe in all of it.  All of it.  But nowhere did Jesus in the great commission call us to go out and be finger pointers.  If so, someone would have to knock on your door and point one right at you.  I believe in abstaining from things that may cause me to fall away or slip back into bad behaviors of all of my yesterdays.  I believe in speaking truth in love.  I also believe that Ellen Degeneres is hilarious and generous and beautiful.  If you can’t grace the doorway of a JCP because of Ellen then just don’t.  But I beg you not to make the whole barrell of Christians to look and smell and taste rotten.  You need to own that all by yourself.

I prefer love.

**p.s. i heard this story on the radio…although I did not hear the name of the conservative Christian group.  i know that one million moms is also complaining…  but i don’t think they are specifically a Christian group… i do not know.